Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
