I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
