So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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