Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
