I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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