i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
