I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
