twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
