Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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