ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
