11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
