I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
