Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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