Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
