I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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