I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
