Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
