I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
