I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
