I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
