am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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