Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
