I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
