its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
