Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
