Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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