I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
