return my video game
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
