I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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