margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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