Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
