1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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