I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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