No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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