hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
