Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
