Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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