I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
