I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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