You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
