Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
