You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
