So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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