go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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