I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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