My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
