never play flip cup with pint glasses
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
