you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
