Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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