So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
