i jhust puked up my retainher.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He shit in the fireplace
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
