just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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