Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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