Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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